These are worrying times. North Korea continue to poke the bear that is Donald Trump with a wooden stick. Trump appears determined to find some way to justify completely obliterating Kim Jong-Un’s nation at some point, which could kick-off a worldwide nuclear war.
The end of the world would surely be upon us. Millions, if not billions, could lose there lives. But let’s talk about what really matters – here’s three ways that a nuclear war could affect Chelsea.
Change of plans
Unfortunately, the pre-season tour of North Korea would be off the table – quite simply because there would be nowhere left for us to play our games if the country is reduced to ash. The Chelsea faithful in the radiated wasteland of Pyongyang, if there were any remaining, would miss out on seeing their favourite players in action.
Nike will have to get creative
The first three kits we have had designed by Nike are all gorgeous, but they’ll have their work cut out replicating that success if a nuclear war breaks out. They will be forced to manufacture Chelsea branded hazmat suits suitable to be played in for 90 minutes. It’s hardly practical, but if Stamford Bridge finds itself suffocated by radiation, we will be left with no choice. We have to preserve Eden Hazard at all costs.
Drastic fall in attendance
You’ve seen the movies, post-apocalyptic worlds are rarely highly populated. If England were to be attacked, you’d think London would be top of North Korea’s hit-list. They could wipe out a large chunk of the Chelsea fanbase in a single strike. Only the most committed fans would be prepared to perch on a piece of the Stamford Bridge rubble to see their side in action.
For the sake of Chelsea football club, and the entire planet, let’s hope the world’s superpowers refrain from pushing the big red button.